I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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