dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
