pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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