Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Green mimosas i think yes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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