So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
