i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
