this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
