Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
