Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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