Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
