I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
