i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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