Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
