i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
