he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
