in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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