What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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