Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
