Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
