he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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