the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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