I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
