Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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