Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
