I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
