girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
