Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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