In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I need to stop coming to work sober
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
