I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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