i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
