im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
pray to the hookup gods
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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