He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Soap is not a condiment
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
