You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
