my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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