that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
