i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
