Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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