Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
