Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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