I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
