why didn't you poke me back
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just tell him i said nine months
now i know why i became what i already was.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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