Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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