If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
