Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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