I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
