I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
