look no pants
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
