I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
