I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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