Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
