We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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