I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
