I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
